At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My apartment stinks of burning failure
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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