in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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