Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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