So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
