OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
don't judge my taste in strippers
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
