they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
