i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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