I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
