Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
