3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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