I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
