Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
