I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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