so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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