He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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