remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
