Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
