Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
