all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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