Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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