I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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