Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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