Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
