East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
