How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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