guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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