I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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