I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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