i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
