A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
