what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
