So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
