feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
