my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
