Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Enjoy the penises
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
