then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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