no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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