His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
