ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize