here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
