lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
