I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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