So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
