so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
