Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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