Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.

(443): View more from Maryland

It breaks. We fall.

(443): View more from Maryland

I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?

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(443): So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in. (443): It breaks. We fall. (443): I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys? http://tfl.nu/201c

Replies (14) Good night (487) Bad night (3063)
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(937): View more from Ohio

was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?

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(937): was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"? http://tfl.nu/gea9

Replies (16) Good night (874) Bad night (3243)
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(316): View more from Kansas

Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.

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(316): Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can. http://tfl.nu/zubg

Replies (26) Good night (1191) Bad night (4004)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

he told me I talked like a deaf person

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(908): he told me I talked like a deaf person http://tfl.nu/v63x

Replies (9) Good night (819) Bad night (5550)
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(510): View more from California

Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex

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(510): Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex http://tfl.nu/01m8

Replies (15) Good night (1097) Bad night (4985)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.

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(828): I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse. http://tfl.nu/gxwi

Replies (14) Good night (4316) Bad night (910)
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(807): View more from Ontario

I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?

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(807): I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight? http://tfl.nu/7h08

Replies (5) Good night (874) Bad night (3773)
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(540): View more from Virginia

i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall

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(540): i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall http://tfl.nu/ora9

Replies (6) Good night (3809) Bad night (926)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.

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(781): Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours. http://tfl.nu/9pdv

Replies (11) Good night (1831) Bad night (1234)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.

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(508): Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated. http://tfl.nu/0bri

Replies (18) Good night (4343) Bad night (742)
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(206): View more from Washington

She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient

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(206): She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient http://tfl.nu/4t82

Replies (1) Good night (1667) Bad night (493)
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(585): View more from New York

By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.

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(585): By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some. http://tfl.nu/uaz4

Replies (5) Good night (1075) Bad night (386)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!

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(505): She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before! http://tfl.nu/qmyv

Replies (10) Good night (2088) Bad night (370)
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(940): View more from Texas

Sorry about the flaming shit on your door

(940): View more from Texas

I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text

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(940): Sorry about the flaming shit on your door (940): I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text http://tfl.nu/x4xg

Replies (3) Good night (711) Bad night (478)
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(406): View more from Montana

I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist

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(406): I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist http://tfl.nu/rhd5

Replies (0) Good night (664) Bad night (348)

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