were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"