see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
high people should be assigned attendants
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.