Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework

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  (828): I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework http://tfl.nu/o5bk
  Replies (34) Good night (1308) Bad night (4764)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public

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  (804): This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public http://tfl.nu/6cpw
  Replies (15) Good night (892) Bad night (3776)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.

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  (847): I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see. http://tfl.nu/6fwn
  Replies (52) Good night (5292) Bad night (1424)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.

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  (330): giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire. http://tfl.nu/oqcy
  Replies (12) Good night (1546) Bad night (5363)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....

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  (731): He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars.... http://tfl.nu/aa23
  Replies (15) Good night (1356) Bad night (8321)
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  (343): View more from Ontario

  His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted

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  (343): His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted http://tfl.nu/gnt2
  Replies (10) Good night (4976) Bad night (951)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.

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  (651): If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches. http://tfl.nu/ldak
  Replies (13) Good night (1387) Bad night (2497)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?

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  (214): Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up? http://tfl.nu/f130
  Replies (9) Good night (3762) Bad night (806)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.

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  (608): Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer. http://tfl.nu/9xrq
  Replies (2) Good night (1423) Bad night (730)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.

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  (678): Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary. http://tfl.nu/nvwp
  Replies (17) Good night (4986) Bad night (868)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.

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  (443): My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love. http://tfl.nu/12sb
  Replies (8) Good night (3720) Bad night (720)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.

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  (847): stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed. http://tfl.nu/vt40
  Replies (4) Good night (1287) Bad night (964)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool

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  (778): He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool http://tfl.nu/x8lz
  Replies (5) Good night (1246) Bad night (520)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.

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  (480): I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups. http://tfl.nu/acv0
  Replies (4) Good night (863) Bad night (534)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.

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  (480): He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps. http://tfl.nu/9n8s
  Replies (4) Good night (458) Bad night (332)

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