ADVERTISEMENT

• (360): View more from Washington

  She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.

  Fav 20 1669 3184

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.

  Fav 15 1104 3590

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (619): View more from California

  there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly

  Fav 6 1138 3927

  share tweet
  

• (205): View more from Alabama

  Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.

  Fav 9 1193 4126

  share tweet
  
• 

  You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (518): View more from New York

  September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

  Fav 16 9938 1696

  share tweet
  

• (856): View more from New Jersey

  It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.

  Fav 10 3297 1263

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?

  Fav 13 2103 2207

  share tweet
  

• (678): View more from Georgia

  And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger

  Fav 10 1438 785

  share tweet
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.

  Fav 16 1785 838

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...

  Fav 14 826 2110

  share tweet
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.

  Fav 14 1551 1393

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.

  Fav 0 902 580

  share tweet
  

• (440): View more from Ohio

  My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.

  Fav 1 604 707

  share tweet
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken

  Fav 2 809 424

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (661): View more from California

  Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?

  Fav 3 34 55

  share tweet
  

Randomize