Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked." http://tfl.nu/ikiz
  Replies (37) Good night (4932) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs http://tfl.nu/ycoz
  Replies (29) Good night (6422) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right. http://tfl.nu/eck5
  Replies (8) Good night (5464) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  u sound so gay right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me. (978): u sound so gay right now http://tfl.nu/zm49
  Replies (35) Good night (7095) Bad night (1253)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time. http://tfl.nu/nker
  Replies (9) Good night (5096) Bad night (1089)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me. http://tfl.nu/i71i
  Replies (13) Good night (1135) Bad night (4700)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands. http://tfl.nu/553v
  Replies (21) Good night (4464) Bad night (1175)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious http://tfl.nu/z2uj
  Replies (7) Good night (1108) Bad night (2444)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of. http://tfl.nu/md9p
  Replies (21) Good night (1529) Bad night (2416)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble. http://tfl.nu/kaq2
  Replies (6) Good night (1078) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon. http://tfl.nu/php8
  Replies (11) Good night (2004) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now. http://tfl.nu/4hes
  Replies (3) Good night (401) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink http://tfl.nu/6677
  Replies (7) Good night (1816) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good http://tfl.nu/ql8q
  Replies (8) Good night (751) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring. http://tfl.nu/2xnf
  Replies (2) Good night (387) Bad night (509)

Randomize