Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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