What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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