Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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