some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
