so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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