if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
