1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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