Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
