Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
