maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I did not marry a roomba.
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