Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
