I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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