I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
