What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
