I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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