worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
