does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
