I can't breathe out the right side of my face
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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