Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
