dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
