so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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