At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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