There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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