The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
