the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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