I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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