This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
