Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize