Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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