How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
