he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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