i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
