The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Where is the hickey?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
