fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
